What a CEO Really Needs
There is a Senior VP who wants to be CEO of his company. The reason he wants to be CEO is so he “… can sit back and put his feet up on the desk.” I’ll pause here to give all you current CEOs a few minutes to stop laughing. Ok, ready to continue? While it’s true that most CEOs don’t have to do manual labor like breaking up rocks and such, the job, as you well know, is definitely not one where you just sit back and put your feet up. Every job has two sides, one you like and the other you don’t, some days are easy, most are not. Being a CEO is no different.
What does a CEO need to do his/her job well?
- A crystal ball would be a good start. That way the CEO can truly know and fulfill, what every member of the executive team needs, wants, and desires.
- A mechanical patting arm that never gets tired so you can go around and give every team member a pat on the back and tell them what a good job their doing and that you are taking notice of their good work and that he/she is in the running for your job.
- An eye on the tip of your nose so that you can see everything that is going on “right under your nose.”
- A vision eye. That way you can see every trend that is coming that will affect your business.
- A pair of scales attached to your hip so that you can measure what is fair and what is not. That way no one on the team can complain that they are being unfairly treated.
- An extra shoulder that your team can use to cry on when discussing their unique set of personal troubles – waterproof, of course, and with a built in BS detector.
- X-Ray vision so that you can see into regulatory meetings the government holds that will affect your business and a dumb scale to let them know ahead of time just how stupid the regulation is they are considering.
- Steel-toed boots to break up cliques in order to avoid the “us and them” syndrome. Particularly useful during a merger or acquisition.
- A special Surprise Radar Zap Gun that will let you know when a team member is going to spring a surprise on you. For example, “Just wanted to let you know that the parts/information/equipment/whatever for our biggest client’s most important project that they hired us to do because we said we could, that’s due tomorrow, won’t be here until next Friday. Is that a problem?” ZAP!
- Sonic hearing to hear any gossip and scissor hands so you can nip it in the bud.
- A Kindergarten Cop Whine Whistle. When your executive team starts whining about all the work they have to do, you just blow and there’s no more whining until your tenure in this position is completed and the next CEO has to deal with it.
- A decision App. You just plug in the details and Voila! the right decision is made every time – and no one gets to second guess you.
- A battering ram to break up stalled projects.
Now you can put those steel toed boots up on the desk.
Graphic Credit: Big Stock.com